Geli

I don't know how to begin. The feelings inside me, it's beyond words. I'll try see if i can deliver it.

I was working today. Yes, i know it is a saturday. Many of you must be staying home, lazing around with your husband and kids and family and friends. Yeah. But i had to go to work. Every time i do the weekends shift, i will have to dispense methadone to patients i the ward. Yeah. Sometimes, no.. Most of the time they are HIV positive patients with co-infections usually tibi. I'll just make sure i put on the N95 and some gloves and i'm all set. Watch them drink.

Today, i went up to the ward. There was this guy, a patient i have known since maybe end of last year who's on methadone. Apparently he was transferred to the ward. My heart sort of like sank when i saw him. I felt like crying.

The first time i met him, he was this guy who was always angry when we were late to dispense methadone to him. He'd scream and harass you the moment you arrive. I gave him a piece of my mind. I remember him since then. You see, i don't get to do the same duty every month. So, couple of months pass, i had to again dispense methadone.

I was sad. His skin has definitely darkened. He's lost some weight and he was not the 'kecoh marah-marah' patient he was. I asked nurse. They just geleng their heads.

If that one time shocked me, this time its worse than before. I could see his breathing.. Heavy. And wheb he was about to drink the bloody syrup, he sort of like lost coordination. Maybe he couldnt see that well anymore. His skin, plagues on his arms and they are white whereas his skin has turned darker than before. He took sip by sip.. Oowh ya Allah.

Kesian tu bukanla kesian. Tapi the sight of him before and what he is now, menginsafkan.

Kalau orang lain tengok.. Sure geli. Honestly. Geli. He knows coz when i passed to him the bottle he was very cautious not to touch my hands. Lagi la hati ni berasa sayu. Mungkin kalau ada ustaz to help people like him before the pass on... Aiihh..

Ya Allah. Sungguh besar kuasa Allah. Semoga dibukakan pintu hati patient itu supaya kembali bertaubat.

What a day. I'm glad for that opportunity. Memang in life, we must pause and reflect.