Strep Throat

Not me, not the husband. But the little guy. I was shocked when the Doctor said that to me yesterday. Hamza has throat infection. *ingatkan demam nak tumbuh gigi je. Anyways, yesterday was abit chaotic for me because I had to look after Hamza. His last recorded temperature was 38 Degree. Dia pernah demam sebelum nih. Same symptoms.. High grade fever, no cough, no cold. But this time, he has diarrhoea as well. So, the infection confirms the diarrhea. 

But, that is not all u see. It's alot more than to just live the day with a sick child. As for myself, I am a working mummy. I work 8-5pm everyday and I am not complaining. Infact, I love what I am doing. *walaupon gaji tak sebesar mana. But, I work in a Hospital. Dan I deal with all the Intensive Care Units. U name it. CCU, ICU, NICU, HDW, and Burn Unit. And ICU alone can make me go home late everyday. Usaikan lagi yang lain lain di atas. 

U'd think that it's easier to take leave if the child is not well. wrong. They will kejar you, make you feel bad for not going to work. Esok cuma mock accreditation. What's the point of having it if kita ni dah tip top sangat? This is the time to know which area or where we are lacking. correct? No? 

But, I have promised my boss that I will make sure that everything will be ready for tomorrow. I hope Hamza will be better today and tomorrow. *Esok baba dia jaga dia coz I had to come in to work tomorrow. sedih kan? But, it's okay. Demi kerja. ye x?

Kadang-kadang I wished I am a stay at home mom! But, come to think of it again, I dont wan't to be a SAHM. I'd just put my degree to waste.  So, okay. I have to get some work done.

Goodbye

I am at home now. It's Friday lunch break. That explains the updating. Anyways, life has been good, Alhamdulillah. Hamza has 2 teeth now. I am more than happy. *tapi gerun pun ada juga! Habis la mama! He is on a different note, active than ever. He loves to play, hates to be left alone. Now, making sounds like maaa.. baaa.. taaaa.. and his vowels, complete. a e i o u. semua bunyi dah ada. Alhamdulillah.

So, what brings me to update my little space here? My assistant. I have an assistant, and all i can say is,  she is SUPER GOOD in doing her job. Reliable, creative, independent, and best of all she make a good friend too. Thing is, she applied for a transfer to Perak some months ago. Of course I am aware of that. Then, today the Perak Health department called, asking her to report-in this very Monday. I know she's very very happy. Who wouldn't? If I were her, I'd be jumping of joy! But, I am not her, and now, i am left with none. What a shame. I am sad, beyond words. Of course there will be replacements. But it'll never be the same. hurmmm. 

I know I am so not ready for goodbyes just yet, but I've always known that THIS will come. and the day has come indeed. Today. Nak buat macam mana, ye dak?

If you are reading this, I'd like to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the memories, the joy, laughters, semua la that we've gone through together as rakan kerja. Thank you for being a very good assistant and thank you for being a friend to me. I appreciate it so much and I hope you will enjoy your new workplace and best of all, I know you'll enjoy being around with your family members. :) Until we meet again. Kiss the babies for me.

till then, toodles

I'm up so early...

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... Expressing.

That is my currnt status in my Facebook. It is early. It's 3.10 in the morning. Alhamdulillah, Hamza has just dozed off after his dose of mama's milk. Good. Husband is soo asleep. I am sure after all the struggle...? not struggle, really.. effort and energy put forth looking after Hamza while i'm away at the University. Owh, I forgot. I am now blogging from Kota Kinabalu. I am attending the 2nd ICORM here. It's all good. Sabah is good. We enjoy it. The only thing about going places is the 'damage' it will cause especially to my Wallet. *but is causing some damages to husband's too. xpasal-pasal he brought back two story books..huhuhu..

The hotel we're staying is in the 1 Borneo hypermall. Not exactly In the mall. But it's attached to it. Jadi, ape la lagi? I haven't had the chance to go round the whole mall. Its huge. Something like MV. maybe a little bit smaller. Lots of shops.. and yes. the damages to my wallet . Soon if not now. But you see, it's always more convenient to take Hamza to the mall than to town. Leceh x? babies and panas la, xcomfortable la. But there's always a free shuttle that can take us to town. Its Free, isn't it?

The conference is held at the Main Lecture Hall of UMS. I mean, we're only coming in to Day 2 but as a matter of fact, i do enjoy attending the conference. It's good, it's not common in the place where i practice or work. Of course la kan? This conference is about Rural medicine. So, it's cool. The organizing committee, they are very nice and kind and super helpful. I had to go back to the Hotel to feed Hamza. So, they arranged for me a van to send me back to the Hotel. I am very happy. Plus, the thing about conferences like this, i get to listen to the Free Paper presentations. Some are good, very good infact. and some are just, well.. not so interesting i shall say. well, that's just about it.

Still enjoying Kota Kinabalu. Planning to go sightseeing soon. Okla, dah ter'over' dah nih. I've gotta get some sleep. kena bangun awal.:)

Kerana Mulut Badan Binasa?? Bila?

Its 3.15 a.m, and here i am at the hospital WORKING. haihhh.. I hate night shifts! coz it's just so tiring. Fortunately, there are only few sick people left waiting for their turn. I can see myself dozing off really soon.. heheh.. i couldnt stand staring at the stupid box. At this time of day usually the guards will turn some lights off.. berjimatkan.. ekonomi tengah gawat. and that's the best time to tido..

Since i am working, lets talk about work. MINE i mean. hihi. Sebenarnya, satelite ku berfungsi to supply medications to TWO Intensive Care Units. General ICU as well as Neonatal ICU. Dua-dua pon ICU. and because the nursing care provided are Intensive, maka akhirnya diriku ini terjebak dengan ke'stress'an ditempat kerja. I told you i have a super-efficient assistant. Yes, she helps me alot. And she makes managing the satelite so much easier. But u see, kerja ku juga melibatkan orang-orang yang bernama boss yang berpangkat lebih tinggi dari U41. dan juga staff nurses yang kebanyakkannya cantik-cantik (tetapi biadap), dan juga doktor-doktor yang kadang-kadang terlampau 'cinta' kan pesakit sehingga lupa akan tanggungjawab sebenar diorang. Iaitu, to function as a doctor/specialist. owh, and not to forget penolong ku yang makin lama, makin sukar untuk aku communicate with, because i believe we both hate each other, deep down inside. ahahaha.. Nevertheless, for me.. Work is Work. i dont carry personal things into my work.. or at least i try not to. But u see, when i'm getting all sorts of rumours (yang sering mencairkan taik telinga ku yg keras ni) from many people, it gets difficult. Really difficult.

I am lucky husband still make an effort to listen to all my complaints about this particular person, eventho i know he too couldnt handle the stress of just listening. i try not to complain too much, but sometimes.. kesakitan hati itu is just unbearable, yang tahap boleh meletop. and believe me, i feel alot better after that. hehehe.. I love you Abang.. muaaah! Thing is, masalah perasaan ini, for me are too small a matter. And i have 18 patients in the ICU that needs medications.. So, i brushed it off aside just many times. Cuma, akhir-akhir ini.. things got out of hands. Nampaknya, aku juga sudah tidak mampu to maintain professional.. and its getting personal now. Aaaaarghh! I was called-in by my immediate superior.. and it sounded as though aku yang bermasalah. Aku kecewa.. i believe in this malay saying.. Kerana Mulut Badan Binasa. Tapi, in the end, i had to explain things.. and u know.. it is terribly depressing..

Tapi, hari ni.. keadaan menjadi lebih buruk. dan aku telah mengamuk sedikit. susah kerja when u can't communicate well with those working around you. And i do not agree kerja mengarah-arah. Aku kerja Gomen je. Banyak lagi boss2 yang perlu aku answer to. dan hanya 2 orang yg answer to me. And sebab ramai yang terlibat dalam chain kerja aku.. So, haruslah kita berbaik-baik sesama kita, right? kenapa kena kerja gaduh-gaduh dan xpuas hati?? Kerja lebih penting!! thing is, i tried to explain to her about how i hoped/want things to be. tapi, unfortunately dia susah nak menerima 'arahan' from me, apatah lagi untuk mendengar.. susah-susah.. haihhh..

Aku xsalahkan dia 100%. I believe i too contribute to this problem. Tapi i believe, bukan aku yg mulakan dulu. or at least, i know that i would never to hurt her feelings. Mungkin secara xsengaja.. dan i regret for the times that i've hurt her feelings. hurmm.. haiiihhhh... anyways.. i am already sleepy now..i think i just going to land myself on a not-so-comfortable-and-cold toto.. heheh.. oklah.. sekian bebelan ku..

Gerak

2 days back, i was throwing out blood.. it was a very painful one. it felt like the whole GIT was coming out. Then, it was already sore throat. Husband insisted that i go see the GP. i refused. Okay lagi.. But, the next day turned out to be worse. i didnt actually vom.. But, i was all dizzy the whole day. i came to work late coz i couldnt handle the dizziness. it became worse when i thought i felt better. So, i spent my day in the surau, sleeping. kesian my assistant. She's a pregnant lady as well.. and baby is due in 6 weeks. but, she's been one of my heroine at work. thanks babe..

That very evening, i vom again.. when i was having shower. Husband came running, trying to help me. he looked anguish and a bit angry. Go get ready. we're going to see ur OB. u're so not going to work tomorrow. i couldnt say much as i was already weak after the vom episode. Doc gave me two-days rest. and she did another scan for me. So far, alhamdulillah. My baby is growing well inside of me. Baby was 24.5 mm 2 weeks ago. and yesterday, baby is already 49.9 mm.

i am indeed very happy to see my baby. and i could see baby moving (its actually baby's reflects, coz baby ia not yet in control of its own movement) and i am all grateful to Allah. Husband was all excited. as always. And today, since i was in bed the whole day, i tried to focus on my tummy for any signs of movement thats not mine u see. And i can see that my tummy actually flutters when i hold my breath. huhuhuhu! And and.. i thought, why not give a bit pressure on it, incase if i can feel my baby's heartbeat.. And... ahahahaha.. i was laughing my heart out! indeed, i can feel my baby's heatbeat. its very faint. but, its there.. I told husband right away.. he didnt believe me, but i taught him how, and there was definitely a big grin on his way.. "ni baby babah".. aaaww..

Alhamdulillah. anyways.. i still feel bad for not being able to go to work. i am okay most of the days.. but there are some days that the N and V are really bad.. but the truth is, i am mostly grateful for having a husband who supports me, and friends who's always there for me when i am in need. colleagues i mean.. M and I, u know who u are. Khamis, when i am alot better( i hope i will be alot better) kita makan jambu cicah sos rojak buah k?? i love u guys to bits..

till then y'all. Salam

Good boss or bad boss?

Every friday morning, we will all gather in a small room, for a session called 'morning prayers'. I am sure, it is called as such because we have it on a friday. It is like a day to sum up events/happenings in the department especially plus motivational talk (i think they should do it on Mondays instead of Fridays). Lately, things happened in the department. All the unexpected things and we are indeed popular for all the wrong reasons, how unfortunate. So, when we gather the superiors will go about with the problems, and will give input on how we should go about it and all the words of advice. yeah..

Yesterday, A gave a short speech (motivational talk, so they call it) and i liked it. His speech was about why we should never blame or faults on others but ourselves. The world around us can change, people will come and go etc, but if we dont move forward, we'll still be left behind. Our new boss, he's a really nice man. He smiles and greet everyone in the department, he remembers all our names, and he's a kind person. The problem with him is, he never says no. i mean, i am sure if there's some sort of help needed, he will try his best to help. And that has affected some in the department. Many thinks that he's being too kind, and biar org pijak kepala.

Sometimes, the doctors make suggestions that i shall say, a bit 'selfish'. But my boss here, will never say No and he will try to find ways on how to help them. The outcome does not matter. Whether its a yes or no. The most important thing is, He will never turn anyone down. baikkan? But many misunderstood his actions. many thinks that that is more of a burden. And they out-do him in the department. Talking behind his back and all, and most of all not respecting him as the leader in the department. True enough, the leader has to earn the respect from his subs, but we subs should always respect our leaders either way. The fact that he's not done anything shameful to the department is whats important.

So, that was why A read out that story to all of us, to remind us that our leaders can change, the people around us can change, but if we do not cooperate with each other, we will never go far, wont we? So lets see the what will the topic for this coming friday be. huhuhu..