S.T.R.E.S.S

... yang tiada tandingnya.

An incident took place at the office yesterday. It seems as though the big bosses hates those who are BRAVE enough to raise up opinions and disagreements. In my defence, it is my WELFARE i was protecting.

I am 35 weeks pregnant. Having to work in a hospital setting means, we have to do extra work, they call shifts. In this setting, we have to do Inpatient weekend, ED extended weekend and weekdays, ED night shift and Methadone weekend. Many months ago, after i have given birth to Hamza, some colleagues got pregnant. In the meeting, they requested that all those pregnant will be excluded from doing ANY shifts in the last month of pregnancy. I supported the motion, and granted!

Today, I am 35 weeks pregnant. My due date is on the 3rd of June. So, i guess it is only logical that i wouldn't have to be included in the May schedule for any shift. correct? I am already 9 months pregnant. BUT........

I WAS WRONG!!!!

My name appeared in the list and worse still, the bloody shift falls on the 2nd of May. THAT, my dear readers, is a public holiday. Honestly, I was really upset and frustrated and disgusted and angry. Every word that could describe how devastated I was. So, u think i just sat and wait for the schedule to come out and just hope my name would not be included? NO.

I went to see my immediate superior. She was not very helpful. She said, if I insist that I be excluded from the shift, then I would have to 'Replace' the shift after I come back from my confinement leave. WTF?! So, i was not happy since there was a black and white saying that we do not have to work in the last month of our pregnancy, I referred my case to the biggest boss. The 'Ketua Pegawai'. In the meeting,I reminded her that the other colleagues who were pregnant before me we all excluded from doing any shifts in the last month of their pregnancies. On top of that, I explained to her that I will be 36 weeks pregnant in May, and my due date is just 3 days into June. Plus, I have a very bad back pain and I am under Orthopaedics follow up. She noted. After much discussion, she agreed to excuse me from having to do any shifts in May. I was a happy woman after the meeting. I thanked her for being very understanding of my condition, although I think I do not need to do any explanations about my pregnancy because I am entitled to be excluded. Betul??

So, yes. back to my story. Upon discovering my name in the schedule, whatmore on the date that i am NOT AVAILABLE, i flipped. I was just so angry. I cried so badly. I called the KPF first to ask to see her. But she was away attending a meeting. So, I just sent her a text asking 'why my name was put into the schedule when she's promised me that I do not have to do any shifts'. She replied minutes later saying 'Bulan ni banyak cuti. dan ramai pegawai kena buat shift 3 kali. Jadi kena masuk juga'. I thought that reason was plain rubbish. I looked back at the schedule. 15 pegawai had to do 3 times, and 7 or more has to do only 2 shifts next month. So, I said. WOW!! ramainya!! I thought, if excluding me, all my colleagues will have to do 3 shifts. I obviously could not accept her poor reasonings. Therefore, I sent her another SMS. In the SMS, i said, i am very frustrated and sad over this whole issue. I thought it is plain unfair to have my name in the schedule for the sake of her trying to be just/fair to my other colleagues. BUT at my expense. I am 9 Months pregnant la lady! 

I called the person who prepared the schedule, and after much investigation, I soon understand that it was also him, and the bosses who wanted my name in. Being so frustrated and stressed out, I left for home 30 minutes earlier. [apa, dia ingat aku de marah?]. The boss texted me, around 437pm, wanting to see me. But since i've already left. I just didn't take heed to it and didn't even bother to reply to her sms. The next day, I came into work, I thought the onus is on her to tell me WHY my name is in the schedule, so i did not even bother to go see her. 930 am, received a call from a staff, saying the boss calls for me, urgently. I took my time still. Had my breakfast. And then went to see her.

In the room, there were other bosses as well. My immediate superior and another boss. Those two who i guess shouldn't be there but too busybody to know what happened. So yes. Konon-konon when i came in, muka semua orang masam. hahaha. I made a plain face, as though I did not care to what had happened. So, here goes.

B.boss: Do you know why you are here?

Me: I can guess why.

B.boss: Do you know that I am very unhappy with what you wrote in your SMS?

Me: I will tell you why [starts to cry]. I feel that my welfare as a staff, plus being pregnant is not being well taken care off. You told me, i didn't have to do anymore shifts in May, and yet my name is in included in the schedule. Why? 

B.boss: When is your due date?

Me: I have told you before this. 3rd June

B.boss: what is the date today?

Me: 28th April.

B.boss: So, you will have to do the shift until 3rd of May.

Me: wow, so much for being fair to other people. 3 days is an issue to each of you. haha [i gave a cynical laugh]. I think, if you cannot be fair to your staff, then I would suggest that you don't try to be at all. Please do not give privilege to one group, and then when i got pregnant, I get nothing! None! I told you how Syidah was excluded from doing any shifts in her last month of pregnancy and that was december. Do you remember how many holidays we had last december? And plus the long christmas hols? Do you remember? Do you think this is fair for me?

B.boss: I think you are being very ungrateful. Do you know that I have 15 officers who has to 3 shifts next month and I have to also do 1 shift. I am the KPF here. Other KPF wouldn't even bother to do any shifts. All the other bosses are also doing 2 shifts. So, what are you thinking? We have been very much considerate to all the staff. And I don't get to be appreciated at all. If this is what's going to happen, I think I will revoke whatever privileges there are. Nobody will be excused.

Me: Exactly! That's what I want you to do because I am very frustrated because of this unjust decision making, done on your side. I have also typed in my SMS to you, except that I didn't send it out. I wrote, If the next officers after me who is pregnant, and gets more than what I am getting now, I will definitely make it big. I am so unhappy and I feel 'teraniaya'. Yes!

B.boss: You are very rude!!

P.SS[another boss]: I think you are being very rude. You must show some respect to your boss. For her position and if not for her age.

Me: You have to understand how frustrated I am. You are not in my shoes. Not pregnant. Not a U41. You will never understand!

B.boss: I am more frustrated! You don't know how to be grateful and at least appreciate your boss.

P.SB [Another boss]: What is it that you want?

Me: I am unhappy and frustrated over the schedule.

P.SB: What did i tell you earlier?

Me: You want me to 'ganti' balik the shift if i do not want to do it. I am for god sake 36 weeks pregnant! Dulu, Samantha gave me 4 shifts a month after I came back from my maternity leave. Konon2, i have to make up to the shifts that I have missed during my confinement leave. You tell me how fair is that?!

P.SB: But it was only that 1 time, right?

Me: How could ANY BOSS allow that to happen? I was on leave for 2 months. But the number of shifts I have done is the same with a single unmarried officer. Can you explain to me. That was why I went to see B.boss personally and told her and explained to her. And I just don't get it WHY MY NAME IS IN THE SCHEDULE! 

P.SB: You are still back to that issue. You are rude.

P.SS: No wonder your staff is rude. Just like You.

B.Boss: Yes. That's right.

Me: What has she got to do with this problem anyways?

P.SB: Your staff emulates you and is a reflection of you!

Me: [laughed] and shut up. *I wished I had said, who do I emulate then, out of the 3 of you? hahahah. Surely I emulate one of the bosses. 

B.boss: You are a very good staff. I am very much shocked with what had happened. 

P.SS: If you feel that you cannot do the shifts, I suggest you apply for a transfer.

Me: Well, honestly I am considering that. It's not the shifts that i care about. It's the unfair treatment I am getting here.

B.boss: do you have anything else to say?

Me: *quiet. Malas. 

*after much lecture from the smaller bosses about how kind and generous my boss has been to all the staff, the meeting was dismissed. P.SS came to me, asking me to apologize to the B.boss. I had to do because afterall, I kan orang bawahan. So, yes. I apologized. She too apologized because she has many a times, overlooked issues such as this. 

The moral of the story here is, when you are a boss, it is very important that you be a very good one. One that can provide protection, one who can be just to each of the staff. And one that can be a very-very good manager. It is also important to protect the welfare of the staff. Sebab at the end of the day, it still matters. To some, this is only a very small issue. But, mind you, every small issues, when being handled very poorly will turn into a big one. And i guess, the b.boss, she's been dismissing this issue so much until it has come to this stage. 

I am basically very much stressed. still. But, I am very much praying for Allah's mercy to help me be at ease and help me feel better.